Reformed Smoker

When I started dating 16 year old Tom in high school, I was 15, and looking back at my adolescence behavior, I was lacking in an identity. So when Tom lit up a cigarette, he asked me if I were a smoker, and of course, wanting to impress him, I casually mentioned that I was a very experienced smoker, (like that would be something to boast). 

After choking down the smoke, I decided that I would practice this a lot, so that I could hone this skill; soon I had a new identity, “Smoker”!

Before long I was smoking here, there and everywhere, and why not, there weren’t any laws against it.

It’s difficult to imagine that smoking was allowed in movie theaters, airplanes, restaurants, the workplace, and that included hospitals where I worked at one time! Yes, even the doctors smoked, but there was a time when smoking was the norm, and my mom who smoked for 50 y ears, did so on her doctor’s advice to stop food cravings!

Smoking was easy, seemed to relieve my stress and of course since most of my friends were smoking, except for my buzz-kill of an athlete boyfriend,  it seemed so cool.

Suddenly, seemly overnight, the laws changed. Gone were the freedoms we smokers enjoyed such as pretty much smoking anywhere we damn felt like!

In actuality, it was a gradual change that began in restaurants providing smoking and non-smoking sections, as did airplanes, both of which were idiotic since we all shared the same air! I think the idea was to gently sell the addicts on the idea that they were not the only people with rights!

Things changed with the shift in public opinion, aided by PSAs, as well as organizations such as the American Lung Association helping smokers kick the habit and fund research for lung diseases.

I know you’re dying to hear what the bloody hell this has to do with dog training, so before I digress, I will share an insight as a reformed smoker.

As a smoker, I shared an identity with other likeminded individuals. I was defensive when anyone dared to question my habit, even marched out of my doctor’s office when she had the nerve to ask me, pointblank, why I was trying to kill myself. 

I loved the freedom and enjoyment from smoking, until I had a stark revolution that what I called freedom was actually a prison, that I, like other addicts, convinced ourselves that we could give up the smokes anytime we wanted. As I found out much later, that would prove much more difficult to free myself from this cult mentality, however once I started to be the person I wanted to be, the change was permanent.

And now I will digress…

As a dog lover since childhood, I always thought I’d end up working  with animals in some capacity, and after many years and many careers on my journey to find my true calling, I had a serendipitous encounter with an honors graduate from a prestigious dog training academy in California. Our enlightening conversations, her book recommendations as well as her mind expanding teachings, led me to higher education and my current profession. 

Long before I chose this profession, I had grown up with animals and had a hand in training our family dogs as well as my own dogs when I was an adult, but that “hand” was a heavy one, which was the norm for how we trained dogs at the time, using militaristic techniques to punish the dogs and in some circles, this was an accepted method for raising and educating children too!

Looking back, I found that being the “boss” of my dogs brought a sense of control, thinking that I had some power. There I was, identifying with a group of likeminded “dog lovers” using prong collars to force our dogs to walk in heel position at our side, pull them to come to us and toss chains at them when they didn’t comply. It didn’t occur to me that those dogs I claimed to love, didn’t have any rights or that this training was in any way abusive; after all it wasn’t against the law.  Much like my smoking habit, this was so much the cultural fog that was the norm, but like the cult-like mentality, it needed a mind-set to flourish and that, unfortunately was who I was at the time. 

Interestingly, I’ve always admired benevolent humans such as the Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, and Rory Gilmore, so it took a much deeper inward look to realize who I was being versus who I would rather be emulating.

Those trainers who also saw the light, are known as “Crossover trainers” and thank goodness for those who found better role models and who continue to shape the industry in a way that promotes humane training above all else, better education and lobbying for laws that protect our dogs because thinking you’re  a dog lover is not the same as being a dog lover.

Like  the reformed smoker I am, I would never go back to smoking, no more than I would go back to hurting dogs in the name of training.

Similar to those who lobby against putting warnings on cigarette packages or who tempt children through deceptive advertising to take up smoking as a way to insure the next generation of customers, this loud and proud group of aversive dog trainers are doing everything in their power via social media, testifying in court and forming lobbies to protect their rights to hurt dogs.

Their “Make Assault Gear Available” ideology is just as insidious as the tobacco lobby, and just as hostile when they feel threatened by laws.

As 2025 comes to an end, my resolution, unlike the one I made in 1989 to quit smoking, is to honor my professional commitment to do no harm, especially in these challenging  times when being militant is revered over being humane.

And for those who are ready to be reformed, we crossovers will welcome you! 

HAPPY TRAINING, ENLIGHTENMENT & A WONDERFUL 2026!

© Fran Berry CPDT-KA, UW-AAB all rights reserved 2025